


Mentors and Mistakes

by theauthor2010



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, M/M, Spoilers 2x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-25
Updated: 2011-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:36:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine finds out about Kurt's brief time with Brittany, acknowledges Kurt's mistakes and realizes that he can't be "the mentor" anymore and desires to be "the equal."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mentors and Mistakes

Blaine was absolutely livid, once Brittany flounced off and attached herself to her boyfriend, the kid in the wheelchair, who was a couple tables down from them. He vaguely remembered meeting the girl at Rachel’s party but that whole night was a blur of drunken bad choices and he had needed a reintroduction. Today he was completely sober and when Brittany reintroduced herself to him with a cheerful, “I’m Kurt’s ex-girlfriend. You better be nice to him if you guys start dating, cause Kurt is awesome,” he could not believe it.

Kurt’s ex-girlfriend. A girl.

Kurt’s face was a painful shade of red and he quickly slinked over to a booth at the tiny restaurant. Blaine joined him. “So, your ex-girlfriend huh?” he asked. He knew he sounded snarky, a little bratty, but he could not contain himself. “You have a beautiful blonde ex-girlfriend and yet I can’t doubt my sexuality for a moment? You can be conflicted but I can’t…”

Kurt cut him off. “Blaine,” he said, in a hushed voice. “I was never conflicted. I never questioned my sexuality.”

Blaine looked at Kurt curiously, waiting for further explanation.

He could not believe that Kurt expected him to be this wise, all-knowing Guru of Gay when he was exactly eight months older and hardly any wiser than Kurt was. He did not want to have to live to that impossible standard. He still had a month and a half until he was even considered a legal adult and sometimes he didn’t know what Kurt wanted from him, but self-assurance wasn’t something he had mastered yet.

Kurt breathed deep and explained to him the situation. “I was never questioning,” he said quietly, his face so red and covered with shame. “I thought my dad would like me better if I was more like him. He was getting so close…he, he was developing this bond with Finn that I knew he and I would never share. Finn was like the son he had always dreamed of and I…”

Kurt paused and Blaine had to admit that the frantic, broken expression on his face was heartbreaking and well, it made Blaine feel for him. Blaine understood the desperate need to live up to a parent’s expectations. He reached out and touched the back of Kurt’s hand, because it was just instinctive for him to do so. “I get you. It’s just…seeing that girl and hearing you were with her, Kurt.” Blaine had to explain himself. “It made me angry. I was totally scared when I started to question my sexuality, something I was pretty sure of and pretty much defined me. I just – I really needed support. I needed my friend. Why couldn’t you be supportive?”

Blaine had wanted to see guilt in Kurt’s eyes but actually seeing it hurt. “Do you know how long I’ve struggled against Rachel Berry?” Kurt asked, soft. “Do you know what you mean to me? Everything that I’ve ever wanted in my life, Rachel has been able to achieve. I spent almost the entirety of last year in love with Finn and she…”

“Your stepbrother?”

“Yes, my stepbrother,” he said sharply. “I was madly in love with him and tried my best to get him to see it. I gave it my all and just wanted to love him, but no, Rachel succeeded. Even when he was with another girl, Finn wanted Rachel. Rachel was never hesitant to point out that her gender would help her take Finn from me. She’s also received everything I’ve wanted in glee. I told you about Defying Gravity, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” Blaine said softly.

“She didn’t give a damn that I’m in love with you either,” Kurt said quietly.

Blaine knew that he was at fault there. He swallowed and nodded, slowly. “I’m sorry Kurt. I think I understand better now. It’s just that I didn’t know half of your past with Rachel. You told me about the solo, which was one instance. I didn’t know. If I had known I hope I would have been smarter. Instead of telling me how I was making you feel though, you insulted me. You insulted my doubt and acted like I was supposed to be this all-knowing, confident person. I’m a kid, like you. I’m a freaked out, awkward kid. I don’t have all the answers and when I kissed Rachel it felt good. It felt right and for a minute everything that I established about myself was gone.”

Blaine looked down and breathed. “Being gay is a big part of who I am,” he mumbled softly. “I almost thought I lost that and I needed my friend.”

Kurt didn’t speak, so Blaine went on. “Also, I felt insulted by what you said about bisexuality. I’m not bi, I mean, I don’t think I’m bi, because that kiss and all…but…there are a lot of people who are.”

“I never meant to insult bisexual people or anything, Blaine,” Kurt mumbled.

“But you did. Can you imagine how Jeff would have reacted if you said those things in front of him?”

Blaine hated to bring Jeff, one of their fellow Warblers, into their argument, but Jeff was proudly bisexual and had been heavily harassed at his old school, when he had a boyfriend. “He got beat up pretty bad at his old school,” Blaine said softly. “You were mad at me and Rachel and you lashed out at a whole community of people.”

“I…I’m sorry Blaine.”

“We have to communicate better,” he said seriously. “I don’t mean to be yelling at you Kurt. I’m not angry, I’m just a little resentful. I’m so full of self doubt sometimes and I think you cast me in a role I’m not ready to be in. I know you have many reasons to be upset with me and Rachel too. I should not have used her to explore my messed up head but you do get that my messed up head is…well messed up.”

He knew that he should stop, breathe, give Kurt a time to speak, but he was just rambling as it all poured out of him. “I know you need a mentor, someone strong with all of the answers for a gay kid living in Ohio, but that’s not me. I know that I related to your bullying situation and I…sorta falsely represented myself as this hero, but I’m not. I’m just a seventeen year old guy. I’m just like you…I’m not sure, I’m – I’m going to make some mistakes sometime.”

He was breathing hard, continuing. It was just so scary, it panicked him so much to be seen in this light. “I know you have feelings for me,” he added. “I have feelings for you too, but I’m scared Kurt – scared that your feelings for me are for, well, a person who frankly doesn’t exist. I know what you’re feeling but you just built me up so high.”

“Blaine, I’m so sorry.”

Blaine nodded, slowly. “We all have our Brittany’s, Kurt,” he said, daring to crack a smile. “Just let me have mine, alright?”


End file.
